Twas the day that we got the new brochure

When the mind turns to frolic and fun

To a week or more at the seaside

To birds, booze, sand sea and sun.

 

I unpacked last years clothes from the mothballs

Cleaned my bucket and polished my spade.

Pressed my hanky with knots in the corners

Used for keeping my head in the shade.

 

One by one in front of the mirror

With each item I'd stand there and pose

Alright with the spade and the bucket

But somethings not right with the clothes.

 

It all started off with the T shirt

Which last year showed my figure with pride

Though I tugged, huffed and puffed with the garment

My stomach would not fit inside.

 

What disaster has struck this great body?

What's the cause of this sudden decline?

Lack of exercise sat in the office,

Too much good food, ale, cigs and wine.

 

I was determined to do things about it

Four months I had to get slim

So I got me some shorts and a tracksuit

And got myself down to the gym.

 

I looked round the chamber of horrors

At those bodies all steaming and hot

I stood there alone in a corner

With round shoulders, flat chest and a pot.

 

Up came a young man built like Tarzan

With broad shoulders and waistline so slim

Said " If you're wanting a body like mine

Then try out the new Multi-Gym.

 

Two hours I trained on a Monday

On Wednesday and Friday again

I tugged and I pushed and I lifted

Overcoming my threshold of pain.

 

It's over two months since I started

The work is beginning to show

If I stand and look over my belly

I can just see the nail on my toe.

 

This flab I'm determined to beat it

I intend to be powerful and slim

The chest that is in will stick out

And the stomach that's out will stick in.

 

Then the day will come down at the seaside

I'll stand there and discard my clothes

Too knackered to chat up the talent

I'll just have to stand there and pose.