Now's the time for holidays

For having lots of fun

Basking on the beaches

Soaking up the sun.

 

Taking in the atmosphere

Bursting out in song

It says so in the brochure

Where did I go wrong?

 

No posing semi-naked

When I go on the beach

I have to wear my long johns

So the cold north wind can't reach.

 

I've packed my holiday attire

Plastic Pak-a-mack

Scarf and size nine wellies

And a big thick anorak.

 

"Get away to Wales", they say

A deep tan is a must

All I got is a runny nose

And half an inch of rust.

 

I went to Southern France once

To beat the weather fears

They had the greatest rainfall

They've known in June for years.

 

No more will I go marching

For sunny days and heat

I must admit I've given up

I know when I am beat.

 

In future I will stay at home

And spend my money here

But then again I'll win sometime

I'll try again next year.