I need to go to the opticians

My eyesight is getting quite poor

Now I am having some trouble

Putting the key in the door.

 

I need a new pair of glasses

To help to improve my sight

I have a large HD telly

May as well be in black and white.

 

I tried on some 3D glasses

Said ‘you are joking, that is absurd

To pay ninety pounds for these glasses

And the telly is still looking blurred.

 

One day while out in the country

Was a large flock of geese flying by

But although I could hear their honking

All I could see was the sky.

 

Each week when we go out shopping

My hubby wants to stay on his own

I know that he hates going shopping

But don’t like to go shopping alone.

 

I drag him to each aisle in the store

I will say to him ‘does this look nice?’

Not wanting to get an opinion

Just to know what’s the size and the price.

 

One day I went in to the toilets

Washed my hands to make them both clean

Rubbed my hands gently together

Put them under the drying machine.

 

Amelia looked up at me shocked

Said ‘Nan, please don’t start a fuss

But I don’t think that’s a hand drier

As it says on the front ‘Tampax Plus’.